~New England began Thanksgiving~

With much effort of a widowed woman who was not left with a farm to tend to as was likely in that time. She took on a cause close to her heart and never gave up the fight to make her vision of the New England tradition a Nationally accepted and practiced celebration. She continually included it in her publications and she wrote to all with the power 

of making such possible including the Powers of the South. 

This was after all, the one day the woman of the house could display a feast for the family and have pride in her homemaking skills and achievements that involved work well beyond our comprehension in our current lives. The work that went into this day was greater than any other yet it showed how hard the Wife & Mother worked year round. This was a prideful day for the a hard working homemaker and having the entire family together reinforced the importance of support and love.

She eventually succeeded when Abraham Lincoln declared this a National Holiday. He was wise to see that although the South begrudged such that

~it would be something that might unite the country~

When it seemed impossible, if only for a day we might see our commonalities. It like any great accomplishment was not an overnight success yet success prevailed and this week in 2009 proves good things can sustain when good people with good intentions and vision come together to make a better tomorrow.

Her wise effort and His wisdom to listen to a woman and use his power to make this happen has continued ever since. Bringing families together to be thankful. I love the history of Thanksgiving because it shows that one determined person can make enormous prints upon our country with betterment to continue for generations. It is also, even in our recent era~

 one of the least diluted and commercialized Holidays. Many are taken for granted and barely recognizable by all the retail distractions.

Families are wide spread and broken in high percentages and yet this is still a day we can try to put that aside and enjoy.

Plus a Holiday that has us think of what we are thankful for is so superior to any gift giving or wanting list. 

I hope you all have an amazing Thanksgiving 

However you spend it, see it, experience it, I hope that it is a day of reflection on that which has been good this year and although some years take effort to think of such there are always many things in our life to be thankful for. I’m digging deep this year~ as you might be,

 we will find something or things

They are there. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is for the few and the fierce that like the deep end of the pool.

Continue if you dare LOL

It’s messy, funny, crazy, sad at times~ but all fucking true!

~Updates in surreal land~

I am currently taking care of ZnV. 

They had ear infections and the vaccines were postponed due to pneumonia. The nebulizer is down to three times a day and the fever is very low grade. They are spirited and improving as am I.

We are looking forward to Turkey Day 

which in reality we rarely eat the Turkey! LOL

I feel like a big ol’ turkey this year hehe

We may be in South Florida for one evening and day

then back to home base. I’m thankful L is back from NY

 to show the girls the tradition of the Holiday in Grande style.

My family is, well ~less gathered and traditional~ you could say.

My Mother is often saying “its just another day” no matter what importance the day has “its just another day” suits her schedule better and decreases the importance of tradition that children won’t have instilled in them if it is not presented to them on a consistent basis. 

My ability to make excuses for her or motivation to do so has dwindled.

The girls continually ask about her and want to know when we can visit her.  It makes it very hard to look at them offering a distraction and not showing emotion of sadness at not being able to answer them.

 I know when I was a child she was young and yadayada yet these are her Grandchildren and could, should and would be a source of Joy for her. Being a grandmother is easier than being a Mother 24-7 so I suppose her lack of involvement has really tainted my ability to see her through rose colored glasses anymore. She made it very clear on Father’s day what she thought of me and showed me how very little she even knows me. She asked me not to leave mad which is so far from the emotions I was and am filled with. I’m sad. Not mad. It’s sad and it has shadowed my days heavily since then and I am still recovering and very sad I have not a relationship with her at present. I won’t have one that is hurtful though and inaccurate perceptions and negative thoughts of me are not beneficial to my well being or the children. I know without that day my summer, life, progress, and over all well being and spirit would have been alive rather than broken. I avoided each topic I was barraged with and not offered rebuttals and there are accurate rebuttals that easily I could spew but they would hurt her. Enough hurt has been inflicted so I say nothing and often times rebuttals are simply a waste of time when someone’s perception is what it is. I love her yet do so from a distance as I heal and deal with the lack of support that I’m left with at severe junctures in my life. Difficult times are easier with support. A few hard knocks involving her and some not involving her that I can’t go into ~really kicked my ass in the dirt this summer. I’m emerging but at a snails pace. 

She has been through hell yet many of us have our hells to pass through and we mustn’t forget empathy for what another is going through.

I’m fortunate for my Sweet Family, actually.

Thank you

I have not heard from the BR attorney in several days 

and what I did hear last puzzled me beyond comprehension.

 I'm starting to know a little bit of what my Mom felt like with her attorney. 

Just a smidgen~ no where near the hell she has had.

She has been through the Fn wringer man~~~ 3 years +++

A divorce without children should be swift but not when your husband is a money grubbing greedy bastard that wants to take her for all she is worth and continue playing like a hard on teenager yet disabled in front of the Judge! That disabled dude is running up and down the dock jumping on the yacht not spilling his Manhattan of course and flirting with anyone and everyone. It was disgusting when it was me. 

I “divorced” his dumb ass in January of 2005.

 I said hey you two do what yah want but you’re out! 

His actions with me and my children were not going to be tolerated. I sent him a formal notice that regardless of his status with my Mother I was divorcing him and he would never see the children again. I put up with his crap when it was just me. But when shit hit the fan and my children were involved it was the last time he ever saw us, aside from court. 

My job is to keep anything that could be bad for them away and I do. 

No bones about it.

By now he might be thinking, gee she wasn’t kidding? 4 years later. Doink!

She got a real fucking asshole on this go around

 who unfortunately was attracted to her bank account.

 Outcome? I haven’t a clue, without contact~ I don’t know.

 The first attorney Mom had croaked a few hours before the court and Judge hearing! yah, really... Can’t make this shit up!

 So my Mom was in court alone and wrecked, the PI might have been there. And her husbands dumb ass attorney that had offered my daughter wine at the age of two ahem at a party wanted to go on with the case right then and there even though my Mom’s attorney had just dropped dead.

 Even the judge was disgusted. Mom’s husband was using his friends for attorney services so they were on his level of class and surely not costing him like my Mother who for the entire process has been paying all bills including medical and homes and boats she doesn’t use or have access to. 

He made sure anything sentimental involving me was missing as well.

SO This dead attorney was a cougar and her boytoy emptied the accounts so all the attorney's retainers vanished including 13,000 Mom had just given her as a retainer and had not gotten any service from yet. 

Bad ,Sad timing. 

I think there may be a class action suit or some shit but basically it’s like someone just set 13 grand on fire and we were left with ashes literally and figuratively. The attorney was young too? Really shocking. Plus we chose her cuz the PI we hired  actually had video footage of him that was damning in less than 24 hours of our hiring him! Geeshe. 

The PI said this attorney was a well respected bulldog

 in the attorney realm here~hence the price to say Hi. 

 One of the things in Florida though is

 infidelity doesn’t count for shit, spending money during the infidelity can be damning if proof is provided. The PI didn’t provide the proof although there was some and kinda got antzy when asked to testify. So that was just another big expenditure that didn’t really help much aside from confirming to my Mother his activity. 

My Mother’s husband actually called the sexy decoy set up of the PI’s

 who was sitting in the attorney’s office with my Mom and the PI !!

He had called to see if they could get together that night. 

Fucking Priceless timing! 

Unfortunately they were in a county that could use some dental care if yah know what I mean. Living on an island is great but having a police force that all re -sight the laws differently and haven’t a clue just kinda guess as they go speaking through missing teeth and tending to side with a good ol’ boy is not a good place to be when things go wrong. 

I won’t specify the county as there are some wonderful people there as well. The wonderful people were not on duty during these “events”...

He has a past of crimes that certainly make him a danger yet they weren’t confirmed nor prosecuted. Paper Trail is a requirement on these characters. But the threats were recorded and harassment continued even stalking my street and house which is 70 miles at least from the island. Death threats as well. Sucks having to look under your fucking car before you start it, ya know. Cuz apparently I’m the reason they were divorcing?

Guess he had to blame someone. eeek...

Then she got new fresh off the bus Attorney’s. OH Boy! 

It was turned over from the dead "Bulldog" so good she could require such high retainers to The "Pussy Willows"~ they were inexperienced at best although the cute one might have been sleeping with the judge so hopefully that helped LOL. She was definitely bi polar and barely legal! Her Mom worked in the office and tried to keep up appearances. It seemed from the time my Mom met this attorney she was handed off to that she was modeling the other girl who was umm a bit skanky?...The other one was rather spicy and scantily clothed on MySpace and I'm not so sure I'd have hired her as a sexy bartender at my strip club in Vegas

 much less have her in court. Then the husband jack off is trying to go for ZnV’s fucking IRA established in a previous marriage. My Mom was widowed and he wants all that predated him. Unbelievable.

 SO that is a few Cliff notes on that interesting situation 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Yet I'm getting a taste of the no call back! errrr

So I can’t complain too much (relative) eh’ It’s all relative!

So back to my attorney shit~

One, the bean counter must be high on crack!~ with the figures quoted ~ How do you drop two mortgages down to one and end up with a far larger number? Hrmmm I was like ahhh WTF I hear yah but did yah read the net income verses the Gross? Cuz you aren't even in the Fn ballpark people. Plus 08' taxes for me was a relaunch start up business reflecting negative income. Hello~SweetSamples is a venture of love that certainly will need to have numbers crunching properly but the first year of any business you are building and building takes materials and tools and they aren't free so you'd think that would have been looked at but no they looked at a couple decent 09' stubs on me and wallah! I never relaunched SweetSamples to bank but I figured it would make enough to sustain itself and be really fun for me to be with you and it has been a ton of fun.

 (15 months now!)  

Then the home front dynamic changed so I have had to evaluate being more than fun and actually running a business since I may be in a situation of having to sustain Z V and I.

 I want to keep it fun and not have such miscommunication between the admins and the first year took some communicating to actually understand and get to know one another and our roles on Sweets.

 Plus I’ve had to learn a bunch of technical stuff! 

This is still underway and progress I suppose is happening yet I see much more needed for this to be a place I love to hang out at every day like before ~ If I feel like I'm in a pressure cooker then I rarely remain as I know the outcome. Sweets needs its Zen back cuz I sure as hell 

don’t have Zen here at the moment! 

So this we shall accomplish, I hope.

The Attorney’s assistant said you are in. We were filed supposedly and couldn't back out, or are we ??? I dunno but I do know this, the numbers are stupid, and if I am filed and wrapped into this crap legally what is my file # and what are my options during the process (like am I filed and agreed on a figure blindly> nahhh~

and then there are other legal things ahem to deal with. 

Yah know what I mean...

I'm a multi tasker but this is even too multi for I!

I’ve been drowning in paperwork ~ and I haven’t debts such as vehicles and student loans and child support and shit so yea I’m a little irritated.

Neither of us have credit cards at all except for bank account connected debit action thank goodness but I some medical crap. 

I was thinking these mortgage assholes wouldn’t talk to me on the phone about modifying the loan cuz his name is on it. Mean while I’m on the deed and the title and they “can’t “ talk to me????!!! WTF but they sure as hell acknowledged me when the papers were served to us both separately! 

LOL

Yah gotta laugh! Its beyond absurd.

Then my friend up in bumm F egypt and my other friend in midwest and my Mother back during that beautiful Father’s Day wanna get cross with me about shit. Like the name of my car! Like I’m irresponsible and shit and being judgmental fuckers. Yea, its a bad ass name and car but I won it at an auction and practically stole it and I need a car !!

 It isn’t new and it is out right.

Jerks

Then they jump in with these stupid comments about programs and help and shit. I’m like we aren’t low income people and we aren’t high income since I decided to be a stay at home Mom. We are on the fence and our outgoing doesn’t agree with the incoming. I know they are trying to be “helpful” but when yah offer advice to someone make sure yah know what the fuck you are talking about. errrr

I told one friend that pissed me off so much ~Listen dude I’m not a knocked up fucking teenage high school drop out!

 I was a six figure girl before motherhood.

Plus anytime My Mom offers advice is isn’t really advice. There  is only one correct way to do something and once she has determined in her mind what that is By Gosh it’s law and if you don’t take her advice she takes it as a personal attack for which she feels hurt and victimized and then spends forever seething at the gaul of me taking another route and not the one she thought of. It like a mine field.

Walking on egg shells man. Mine Field hehe Mind Field too!

Some of the shit she said, just blew my mind!

I made a list so I could just forget it.

 It’s in my iphone notepad.

It was easier to release and block and forget once I listed each topic of attack. Sometimes writing is the only way to free your mind.

The black out drapes in her home in the 80’s for the master bedroom cost waaaay more than my Fn car! 1 Bedroom ~ That’s the real world!? hehe

Umkay

My Family

Oh the whole bunch is interesting beyond belief!

The two I enjoy the most now well I’ve always adored P! But oddly enough J is really enjoyable and she was the grandmother that attempted to kill me. Funny how things turn out? 

This my friends is the root of comedy.

The book I write could be just about them 

yet I need to leave room in the book for my crazy ass life.

~Idiocity of Insurance Land~

Prisoners getting anything and all done 

cuz we are "civil" people~

While law abiding citizens can't afford and go without? 

Yea, I think that might be number 1

But that can wait for another day of chirping hehe

I'm about to shoot Blue Cross and Blue Shield

in 2002 and 2007 

when I had BCBS

Total Fn peach

2009 (nightmare)!

I'm like what are you trying to be 

Aetna or medicaid cuz it sorta seems like it!

Beginning Of The Year Baloney

Aetna was an interesting run... It was January 8th of the new year for a physical when they told me I had exceeded my yearly total?! I was like ah Happy New Year assholes and this is my first visit to the Doctor with which you say a physical a year is good to go ??? iyiyiyi

Still billing me?

Now End Of The Year Bologna

Now this blue cross and blue shield thing is telling me at the end of the year I haven't met my quota? 3000.00 balance due 304.00 to meet the deductible? WTF! hello~ My hospital entry wasn't supposed to have a deductible that Fn high? Insane and I can’t cancel it until January. Locked in with the auto debit deductions. I found my book and will painstakingly deal with this dumb-ass paper work as well. The really strange part is they didn't give me any hassles all year long. Just the rest of the fam?

 Maybe cuz my name is different? Hmmm

I never took that name...

These are “good privately owned companies” so it should or could get real interesting LOL if we let the government organize stuff. lmao 

Oh my....I'm overwhelmed with optimism. hehe

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SO I hope to hear back from my attorney today about a couple things I need to know and then I will scan the Doctor's letters and save them to disc and make copies so the school doesn't irritate me. They wanted to have a meeting about our "attendance" Yah, I have time for that. Fuck off. Tell that truancy officer they aren't teenage criminals running the streets and I do not have time and if you deem it necessary that we have a meeting you can call my Fn attorney.  The good one! A different one! The one that actually takes good care of me for well over a decade now and returns calls.

The one retained for dissolution (My Side) should we need to handle that.

This one we are using on the house I did not choose ahem the one I was going to use that my good friend used successfully and was very satisfied with was never contacted. Instead someone thought a solicitation mail choice would be wise? hmmm

That same someone was born on Turkey Day and brought up a birthday present he wanted. A new grill for the front of the charger.  I seriously can’t express the head shaking and perhaps all this head shaking of shock are at the root of my neck issues and stress. I just said sure, whatever you want to do. I no longer attempt logic with the oblivious and won’t engage in it.

 I just don’t care.

Pointless.

This hamster got the fuck outta that wheel a while ago.

 Not my responsibility, not my decision and I just wash my hands of it. 

This vehicle has taken priority over any and everything in life.

It is sad. Even now he barely acknowledges the current state of things as they are and why. It leaves me completely baffled. 

In June everything was caught up (thanks to one of my friends)and maintenance was all that was required and good decisions and he was to move out yet I offered to go to therapy if he made the effort to make the appointment. That deadline passed several time over this summer. I figured the therapist can help navigating this regardless of direction for the children’s benefit.

 How best to handle such.

He still has not had time. A person committed makes fucking time. He sure as hell has time to be the president of the car club and goes to shows each week and plays on the forum and shit. Oh and football.

Words are cheap and we have very few of those at this point.

Actions and history speak volumes.

I see clearly

I’m just navigating slowly

Children make your movements slow and thought out.

I’m not saying I’m innocent or easy cuz

 I’m a big Ol pain in the tookis at times! 

I’m the opposite of perfect 

but I’m not oblivious

 and I think my priorities are proper

I give him credit for remaining through the life and death moment to moment hell we endured to bring two miracles into this world.

Yet I have witnessed his behavior with his other children that are elsewhere and that gives me a pretty big picture of what might happen here 

I’ve been very patient, which is not my strong suit

 and just let what will be be and hoped 

I’d see some proper responsible action.

It never happened.

In spite of all the hard work lately

 I'm spirited, and excited for a new year.

Full plates require one day at a time perspective other wise it can be an intimidating mountain of misc. 

I'll keep you abreast of my doings and goings!

White Elephants Prevail at present in my realm 

as if the D word never was uttered?

I'll be checking out the forum again this week to see what my sweets have been up to and thanks for riding this coaster with me.

I'm also hoping to recover my desk top icons and burn about 6 months worth of movies and images to disc this week so My Mac Dad can feel light again and enjoy the fill up of new yumyums.

L moving back from NY has changed my immediate flight plans! 

I’m off to take care of the babes. 

Medication and breakfast time.

Have a lovely day, week, and Holiday my friends.

I’m thankful to have you.

Much Love, SaRenna Lee

PS I left out all the bad shit LMAO 

wanted to spare yah